We’ve mentioned our 2 part list previously, divided into the ugly and non-functioning. Our first big home improvement project knocked items off of both columns.

The garbage disposal quit working exactly 5 minutes after we bought the house; it was almost entirely  clogged with a disgusting grease-like substance and the atrocious pink-with-gold-sparkles-and-aluminum-trim countertop that surrounded it is best left unmentioned. Forever. Our goal was to arrive at a relatively inexpensive, temporary solution until we could remodel the kitchen at a later date. Here’s how it went:

We walked into Ye Olde Home Depot and promptly lost our minds to all the possibilities. Just kidding…in actuality, we lost all our green stuff, but it was for a worthy cause and if we’d gone elsewhere, we probably would have lost a heck of a lot more. At the end of several exhausting hours in the store, the tally stood like this:

• Garbage disposal: $60.00
• Sink to replace the broken pink one: $80.00
• Affordable faux-marble DIY countertop: $80.00
• Iron on end plates for the gloriously unpink countertop: $20.00
• Sink drain trap: $9.00
• Miscellaneous plastic drain pipes: $10.00
• Faucet, well…we started out at $80.00, but that figure somehow morphed into $225.00
• $300.00 housewarming Home Depot gift card from the in-laws: priceless

We got home in the late afternoon with our purchases and, in a fit of boundless enthusiasm, decided to start exorcizing the pink right away. After, disconnecting the plumbing, unplugging the disposal, and attempting to lift the countertop off, we discovered that this thing was seriously heavy.

Countertops, we learned, are barely attached to the cabinets. Whoever
installed that monstrosity of a counter used about a dozen angle
brackets with only 2 screws in each, mostly relying on the 300 pound
cast iron sink to keep the whole, hideous mess from flying away. They
should have let it’s nauseating pinkness escaped the bonds of gravity. In the end, we had to get out the Sawzall and carefully cut the ends off the counter just to get the sink to move.

Of course, after that, the heady adrenaline rush of starting a project began to wear off and we promptly collapsed into that near-catatonic state known as Home Improvement Project Overload. Fortunately, we’d been throughly coached on what to do, should the dread event come to pass; we shelved it for the evening. Tune in tomorrow to find out how we survived…